Ask Fr. Jerry

Fr. Jerry Herda, Pastor - St. Monica's Parish, Whitefish Bay

Embrace what your Catholic Church offers

The fourth installment of articles previously published in the Catholic Herald.

Q: What does God actually think about premarital sex? Are you going to hell if you do before marriage?

A: Sexuality is a part of every person’s life, and it affects all aspects of who we are as human beings. So first we must realize the role sexuality plays in our lives and the power it has in our lives. As human beings we have each been given the gift of sexuality. When used properly it is a wonderful gift from God. When used improperly it can be a destructive force in our lives and in our world.

We often think of sexuality as only the physical act of sex. But sexuality encompasses so much more than just the physical. It touches us emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, as well as physically. So every decision we make in regards to our sexuality will have an effect on us physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is not something we have; it is who we are.

The book of Genesis tells us that God created us male and female, He blessed us and he said, “Be fruitful and multiply.” But our sexual relationship with another person is meant to be within the context of a loving, lifelong, faithful, life-giving marriage, not with just anyone we are attracted to. In the sexual act you give yourself fully to another person in a most intimate, loving manner. This should be saved for the person with whom you will be spending the rest of your life.

I often hear young adults say, “But I love him” or “I plan to marry her some day.” The reality is that life changes and if you truly love that person, then it is worth the wait until you are married.

Unfortunately, too often we make poor choices in life, and sex outside of marriage is a poor choice. That is tough to hear in a society that tells us we should have instant gratification. God asks us to live a chaste life. For the single person that means refraining from premarital sex and for a married person that means remaining faithful to your spouse for life.

We are called to be in relationship with others, to love and to be loved. But we do not need to make every relationship a sexual one. Developing a relationship based on love, friendship and joy, rather than on sex, will be the greatest gift you will give to your future spouse.   

So, to answer your question directly, yes God does view premarital sex as a sin. The power of the sacrament of reconciliation tells us we can be forgiven of our sins, but we are also called to change our lives. It is a tough choice to make to refrain from premarital sex, but it is the right choice. Stand firm, be strong and give the gift of yourself completely to God and your future spouse.